You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
