My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
