Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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