Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
