he tried to breastfeed my turtle
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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