I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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