Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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