I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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