I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
