So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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