Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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