I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
