I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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