My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
