I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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