I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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