I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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