I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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