update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
