You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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