I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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