Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
