Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
