and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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