i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
