Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
