did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
