What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
