the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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