im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
