need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
