You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
