whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
