Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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