Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
