im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
