roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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