how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
