SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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