Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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