dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
