All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
