I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
