if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
