My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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