I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Less talking, more tequila
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
