If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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