just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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