I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's blow job season.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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