i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
