didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I faked an abortion last night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
