Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
