I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
