we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
