Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
