The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
