no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
