Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
