sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
