So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
