Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
