Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
